باب ما جاء في صفة مزاح رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم
36
Description Of The Joking Of Rasoolullah
Anas ibn Maalik radiyallahu anhu relates, Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam once told him jokingly, Ya dhal udhu-nayn (O two eared one)

حَدَّثَنَا مَحْمُودُ بْنُ غَيْلانَ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو أُسَامَةَ، عَنْ شَرِيكٍ، عَنْ عَاصِمٍ الأَحْوَلِ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ إِنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، قَالَ لَهُ‏:‏ يَا ذَا الأُذُنَيْنِ،‏.‏
English reference : Book 35, Hadith 225
Arabic reference : Book 36, Hadith 235
Anas radiyallahu anhu says, Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam used to associate with us and joke. I had a younger brother. Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said to him, "Aba Umayr, what happened to the Nughayr?"

حَدَّثَنَا هَنَّادُ بْنُ السَّرِيِّ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا وَكِيعٌ، عَنْ شُعْبَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي التَّيَّاحِ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ إِنْ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم، لَيُخَالِطُنَا حَتَّى يَقُولَ لأَخٍ لِي صَغِيرٍ‏:‏ يَا أَبَا عُمَيْرٍ، مَا فَعَلَ النُّغَيْرُ‏؟‏
English reference : Book 35, Hadith 226
Arabic reference : Book 36, Hadith 236
Abu Hurairah radiyallahu anhu reports, The Sahaabah asked, "O Messenger of Allah, you joke with us?" Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam replied, "Yes, I do not say but the truth."

حَدَّثَنَا عَبَّاسُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ الدُّورِيُّ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ شَقِيقٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ أَنبأَنَا عَبْدُ اللهِ بْنُ الْمُبَارِكِ، عَنِ أُسَامَةَ بْنِ زَيْدٍ، عَنْ سَعِيدٍ الْمَقْبُرِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ‏:‏ قَالُوا‏:‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، إِنَّكَ تُدَاعِبُنَا، قَالَ‏:‏ إِنِّي لا أَقُولُ إِلا حَقًّا‏.‏
English reference : Book 35, Hadith 227
Arabic reference : Book 36, Hadith 237
Anas ibn Malik radiyallahu anhu relates that a person requested Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam that he be given a conveyance. Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam replied, The baby of a camel shall be given to you.

The person said, What shall I do with the baby of a camel O Messenger of Allah? (I want one for a conveyance). Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam replied, Every camel is the baby of a camel

حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا خَالِدُ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللهِ، عَنْ حُمَيْدٍ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، أَنَّ رَجُلا اسْتَحْمَلَ رَسُولَ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم، فَقَالَ‏:‏ إِنِّي حَامِلُكَ عَلَى وَلَدِ نَاقَةٍ، فَقَالَ‏:‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، مَا أَصْنَعُ بِوَلَدِ النَّاقَةِ‏؟‏ فَقَالَ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏:‏ وَهَلْ تَلِدُ الإِبِلَ إِلا النُّوقُ‏؟‏
English reference : Book 35, Hadith 228
Arabic reference : Book 36, Hadith 238
Anas ibn Malik radiyallahu anhu reports, A resident of the wilderness whose name was Zaahir (ibn Hiraam Al-Ashja'ee), whenever he visited Rasooluallah sallallahu alaihe wasallam he brought with him presents of the wilderness, vegetables etc., and presented it to Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam. When he intended to leave Madinah, Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam used to present him with provisions of the city. Once Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said, "Zaahir is our wilderness, and we are his city." Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam was attached to him. Zaahir radiyallahu anhu was not very handsome. Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam once approached him while he was selling his merchandise. Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam caught him in between the arms from the back in such a manner that he (Sayyidina Zaahir radiyallahu anhu) could not see him. Zaahir radiyallahu anhu said, "Who is this?, leave me." But when he saw with the corner of his eye that it was Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam, he straightened his back and began pressing it to the chest of Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam (For as long as he gained this opportunity it was better than a thousand gifts). Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam then said, "Who will purchase this slave?" Zaahir radiyallahu anhu replied, "O Rasool of Allah, if you shall sell me, you will be selling a defective thing, and will earn a very little sum." Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said, "No, you are not defective in the sight of Allah, but very valuable."

حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّزَّاقِ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا مَعْمَرٌ، عَنْ ثَابِتٍ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، أَنَّ رَجُلا مِنْ أَهْلِ الْبَادِيَةِ كَانَ اسْمُهُ زَاهِرًا، وَكَانَ يُهْدِي إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، هَدِيَّةً مِنَ الْبَادِيَةِ، فَيُجَهِّزُهُ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، إِذَا أَرَادَ أَنْ يَخْرُجَ، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏:‏ إِنَّ زَاهِرًا بَادِيَتُنَا وَنَحْنُ حَاضِرُوهُ وَكَانَ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُحِبُّهُ وَكَانَ رَجُلا دَمِيمًا، فَأَتَاهُ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، يَوْمًا وَهُوَ يَبِيعُ مَتَاعَهُ وَاحْتَضَنَهُ مِنْ خَلْفِهِ وَهُوَ لا يُبْصِرُهُ، فَقَالَ‏:‏ مَنْ هَذَا‏؟‏ أَرْسِلْنِي فَالْتَفَتَ فَعَرَفَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَجَعَلَ لا يَأْلُو مَا أَلْصَقَ ظَهْرَهُ بِصَدْرِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم حِينَ عَرَفَهُ، فَجَعَلَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، يَقُولُ‏:‏ مَنْ يَشْتَرِي هَذَا الْعَبْدَ، فَقَالَ‏:‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، إِذًا وَاللَّهِ تَجِدُنِي كَاسِدًا، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏:‏ لَكِنْ عِنْدَ اللهِ لَسْتَ بِكَاسِدٍ أَوْ قَالَ‏:‏ أَنتَ عِنْدَ اللهِ غَالٍ‏.‏‏.‏
English reference : Book 35, Hadith 229
Arabic reference : Book 36, Hadith 239
Hasan Basri radiyallahu anhu says that an old woman came to Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam and made a request, O Messenger of Allah make Dua that Allah grants me entrance into Jannah.

Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam replied, O Mother, an old woman cannot enter Jannah. That woman started crying and began to leave. Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said, Say to the woman that one will not enter in a state of old age, but Allah will make all the women of Jannah young virgins. Allah Ta'ala says, Lo! We have created them a (new) creation and made them virgins, lovers, equal in age. (Surah Waaqi'ah, 35-37).

حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ بْنُ حُمَيْدٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا مُصْعَبُ بْنُ الْمِقْدَامِ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا الْمُبَارِكُ بْنُ فَضَالَةَ، عَنِ الْحَسَنِ، قَالَ‏:‏ أَتَتْ عَجُوزٌ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، فَقَالَتْ‏:‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، ادْعُ اللَّهَ أَنْ يُدْخِلَنِي الْجَنَّةَ، فَقَالَ‏:‏ يَا أُمَّ فُلانٍ، إِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ لا تَدْخُلُهَا عَجُوزٌ، قَالَ‏:‏ فَوَلَّتْ تَبْكِي، فَقَالَ‏:‏ أَخْبِرُوهَا أَنَّهَا لا تَدْخُلُهَا وَهِيَ عَجُوزٌ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى، يَقُولُ‏:‏ إِنَّا أَنْشَأْنَاهُنَّ إِنْشَاءً، فَجَعَلْنَاهُنَّ أَبْكَارًا، عُرُبًا أَتْرَابًا‏.‏
English reference : Book 35, Hadith 230
Arabic reference : Book 36, Hadith 240